By the time teenagers are ready to begin dating, they’ve already hit the “contentious years” – that battleground area where they start to assert their independence. Typically, you’ll find yourself talking cars, curfews, makeup, dating, friends, clothes, smoking, drinking, and the list goes on and on. For this article, let’s focus on dating. When it comes to dating, it’s probably never too early to start having discussions with your children – preparing both them and you for their ventures into the world of male-female relationships. First of all, realize that most children report that they’d actually like to be able to talk to their parents about dating, but are afraid of “freaking them out.” Most parents, on the other hand, report that they’d like to talk to their children about dating, but don’t know where to start. Here are a couple suggestions to get you going. One, start with the premise that your kids really do want you to be involved and to care about this major step toward adulthood. And that involves talking about it. Whenever you do start these discussion, your initial goal should be to reinforce the proper qualities in your children (as you probably have been doing all their lives), which continues to build character and sound decision-making. Next, relate that to the qualities your children might look for in others, or, at the very least, the way young men and women should treat each other. Emphasize that if your child wants to be treated a certain way, odds are that members of the opposite sex do as well. Next, begin by discussing dating in general terms, maybe relating to your own experiences, and then move on to more specific dating behaviours, guidelines and rules you have in mind. Ideally, such discussions will be a give-and-take approach, since your child is taking another step toward independence. So, you may not want to be too authoritative or strict, as that may just make your child want to defy you just to obtain that independence. As we all know, children can be very unpredictable. And embarking upon the world of male-female relationships can be even more so, and even more challenging for both of you. But, by laying the groundwork of open communication and guidelines early and often, it will help both you and your children to survive yet another milestone in their lives.
